John Doe

Interview

the basics

I recently cut down to 2 or 3 cigarettes a week and maybe one cigar. Occasionally, I dip too. A few months ago, I was smoking about a pack of cigarettes a day, and at my max I had two packs a day.

It is very popular among some, and not so much among others. My closer friends generally don't smoke.

Yes

Clearly they would rather I didn't, but they didn't act surprised or disappointed.

Yes.

Minimally. I think I fit within the limits I set for myself in terms of how long I would smoke.

the beginning

It had something to do with experimentation, deviance, tempting fate, and it became a social activity. As more friends started smoking, I smoked more heavily. I also always found smoking sexy.

Looking back, it's surprising how easy it was when I was 13 to bum them off people on the street, especially when I see how young 13 year oldslook to me now. Then I also started bumming them off older friends and also got a fake ID for when I started buying them myself. It was never really a problem.

Yes, but that's a situation I just try to avoid.

I would say no, not noticeably, just experimentation and curiosity.

Oh, fully aware of them.

No.

Well for one thing, when you're young most of us haven't experienced death very closely. You have that invincibility that young people have. And also the intangible-seeming danger added to the pleasure of smoking.

the effects of smoking

• Respiration: Inhibited. Not really shortness of breath, but I felt physically pushed. I try to keep myself in fairly good cardiovascular condition with exercise.
• Stamina: I always made the effort to keep working my lungs and heart while smoking to counterbalance the negative effects. I think you can maintain stamina if you exercise when you smoke.
• Skin color: No, no change. I think that's because I smoke filtered ones.
• breath: (shrugs) Yeah, I've been told it smells "cigarettey." And I taste it if I really overdo it. Yeah, you can taste it.
• teeth: Slight yellowing maybe, but still in good condition. I am conscious about smoking in such a way to minimize smoking through my teeth to prevent that.
• Heart rate: It's more painful; my heart definitely beats more quickly and harder.
• Energy: It's definitely decreased. Something I didn't notice until I cut back.
• Coughing: I never had a permanent smoker's cough or anything, but when I'd get sick the cough was definitely like 10 times worse and definitely lingered after I got better. That was annoying.
• Mucus: Increased when I was sick.
• Mood: It feels like it coincided with my state of emotions. It was tied to my emotions, goes along with depression. It allowed me to stew in my darkness, but it was also a happy reward that made me feel good. My mood is more "even" since cutting back, but before if I was forced to go with out a cigarette I would get snappy.
• other: It's hard to notice the effects while smoking. You really notice how it affected you after you stop and look back at how you felt when smoking more.

• Relationships (friends/parents/significant others): I hid it from my parents but when they found out and they didn't comment on it I realized I was hiding it from myself. It's divided with my friends. Some were vocally disappointed and rejecting towards it. Other friendships were made based around it. There's a whole social network that goes with it. That's why people start smoking. I chose my romantic relationships based on them smoking. I never dated anyone who didn't smoke, not that I would rule them out if they didn't.
• Sports or hobbies:Yeah, in the health reasons I mentioned.

quitting

Yes

A bet with my brother - that I couldn't, and to get in better shape and was worried about my future health.

This last time, cold turkey for the first 3 weeks and then I allowed myself to have one occasionally. My goal is to buy a pack and be able to keep them for when I have an appropriate social situation and not to have to smoke them just because I have them. That's why I started buying cigars. You just can't smoke those like cigarettes.

My stamina is still reduced, but I think I can build it back up again.

Increased energy.

I've cut down a lot and I consider myself to have pretty much quit. I don't think quitting has to mean never having a cigarette again. It is a power struggle between the chemical and my resentment towards being controlled by something. Quitting like this, I am fully in control (pause) of having a cigarette once in awhile. It's still a great comfort and I don t think it is unhealthy to have one once in a while if you can keep it under control.

Yes, 'cause you give up that comfort and nostalgia... an old friend. I is hard to train myself to do things I have never done without smoking like driving, and when I get off the subway and automatically reach for my pocket.

Yes.

the picture

I wouldn't seek it out, but since it's here....

That's just gross, can you put it away now?

Probably.

parting words

Last year, my brother asked me if I see myself as a life-long smoker. I said no. It made me realize that I'll quit when I'm ready. So maybe I'd say that all this anti-smoking stuff, the interview, the gross picture, the lung they show you in school, won't make you quit if you don't want to. You have to be ready to quit. But I also don't regret smoking so I don't know what I'd say.